I grew up in the Mormon Church and in a Mormon family, but their practices and beliefs never took hold in my life. Their religion doesn't come with the power of the Holy Spirit. Though I had this seemingly moral upraising, the first 22 years of my life were certainly nothing to glory about. I lived a life of self-seeking and vanity. I was in and out of trouble all the time; frustrating my parents and the countless counselors they sent me to. Eventually, they gave up trying to discipline me and I rebelled to the utmost. I now know that what I was doing was sinning, though I would have told you I was "bi-polar" at the time. As a child, these sins were more "petty" things like little white lies but as I grew, my sin grew more and more unchecked and I soon realized that I could manipulate to get just what I wanted.

After I left the Mormon Church, I followed my boyfriend to a Christian college and made a profession of faith. But like the seed that fell among thorns, the deceitfulness of the world was much too pleasurable for me to resist. By age 21 I had a lucrative job, a house in Boston, a nice car, and a serious boyfriend...all the things the world would think was wonderful. The hidden life was different. I had gained all that by lies. My life was actually empty and I tried to find meaning and fulfillment by experimenting with alcohol and drugs. Already depressed and frustrated, I turned quickly towards rock bottom with the suicide death of my boyfriend in December of 2003. By spring 2004, I was completely gone. I didn't care about anyone or anything. I was running from lie to lie and trying to escape the despair that followed me. Nothing I was pursing was changing my life.

In the fall of 2004, I found myself near suicide and checking myself into a psychiatric ward at the local hospital. I spent 17 days there trying to fix myself. Then the Lord led me to The Father's Ranch. In two days time, I was on a plane to Washington State. I didn't know what to expect there, except that I knew I was tired of games and tired of running. It's hard to explain how God works, but like the hymn that says: "I know not how God's Spirit moves, convincing men of sin, revealing Jesus through the word, creating faith in Him." God caused me to bow my knee to His authority in my life and He clearly showed me my need for Christ in my life. Deuteronomy 8 describes just what the Lord has done for me in the past. God has fed me with His Word, which I never knew before, and has sustained me so faithfully through this time of growth and change.

My goals and ambitions now? "But what things were gain to me, these I have counted loss for Christ. Yet indeed I also count all things loss for the excellence of the knowledge of Christ Jesus my Lord, for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and count them as rubbish, that I may gain Christ and be found in Him, not having my own righteousness, which is from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ, the righteousness which is from God by faith; that I may know Him and the power of His resurrection, and the fellowship of His sufferings, being conformed to His death, if, by any means, I may attain to the resurrection from the dead."

---Patty