The self-abuse of cutting on my own body had offered an escape, a solace in the midst of surrounding pain, but all I was left with was a physical pain that did not prove to eliminate the emotional. In protruding bones and the emptiness of a starving stomach I was told a beauty could be found, but it had promised more than it could provide and took more than I had to give. A lustful pursuit of pleasure had assured a satisfaction, but it provided only fallen moments of fallen bliss turned bitter in the act. In my finite and darkened understanding, I thought such an existence would be better off ended. Just as the Truth had long been suppressed, so with it, all light and hope had fled, creating a perpetual night of the soul. Buried in my own sin, slowly suffocating to death under its oppressive weight, little time was left before this rut would become my grave.

As I arrived at The Father's Ranch, my heart was restless and drained from the years spent in hedonistic pursuit, and so my heart would remain until it found its fulfillment in Christ. Oh so powerfully, yet tenderly, the Lord not only began to work, to open my eyes, soften my heart and restore my lifeless being, but He did so over and beyond what I had ever expected, until my cup ran over, His love and grace lavishly bestowed (Ephesians 1:7, 8). Within me He had planted a conviction of my sin and a repentance bringing life to my soul (2 Corinthians 7:10), thus restoring a sweet communion with my Lord. This was more than I ever hoped for. It was a change that occurred deeper than a simple curbing of the outward manifestations of my heart condition! This was a freedom born within that worked its way out, loosing bonds and setting captives free. Oh sweet blood, sweet propitiation, silencing wrath and condemnation of the mortal's soul, bringing life and life abundant. What a Savior we do serve, for I have seen the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living (Psalm 27:13). There is no freedom, no hope, no healing, no life apart from freedom in Christ (Isaiah 61:1), hope founded upon Christ (Romans 15:13), healing by Christ (Psalm 107:20), and life eternal in and with Christ (John 14:6). No longer was the blessed Truth a mere verbal proclamation, a mental comprehension, but it had taken root and become the Truth by which I sought to live. Oh see the power of His blood! Praise be to the Father for the love He has shown, to the Savior of my soul, and to the Spirit for His work in sanctifying me, His beloved chosen one. How exceedingly and abundantly gracious of Him to redeem me and to restore me, to use my darkened soul to hold a wealth not its own, to reflect a glory that is not its own, but the Lord's – a wealth, a light, a glory that radiates as He shapes and molds us until He sees His reflection in our redeemed lives.

---Hannah